Dating Rules 101

What can I say? It is quite the adventure. From dating someone who lied about their age (and ended up being 20 years older than me) to being sent several messages about my thoughts on English weather to being stood up in a bar and waiting an hour and 15 mins (try not to feel sorry for me though because the bottle of wine I ordered was great… I just didn’t need to ask for 2 glasses), the struggle is real!

It’s crazy to think that everyone in 2017 looking for a life partner will have to turn to online dating. Gone are the days of meeting someone while you’re out in a bar. Unless you’re lucky enough to work alongside potential suitors or have been introduced to your significant other through a mutual friend we can now add “Tinder Swiping Professional” to our resumes.

We all know people who are on dating apps, constantly swapping advice on which one is better. There’s Tinder, Bumble, Happn, eHarmony, Lovestruck, Match… the list is endless. But I will say that someone should come out with an online dating tips book. I’ve decided to compile a list of personal dating profile no no’s:

Stating your salary – It either looks really large so you think they’re lying, or it’s less than what you make, in which case you’d wonder why they’d advertise it. Plus you shouldn’t want a girl after just your money, there’s such a thing as a “personality” to win a girl over.

Usernames – These are key to being able to instantly determine whether someone is a total nob! If a message pops up from “NaughtyButNice”, “BigSteve” or “MrNiceGuy” no matter how many times you compliment me on my “beautiful blue eyes” I can’t get past my first impression of you insinuating you have a massive penis.

Opening Liners of “Hi” – you’re not giving me ANYTHING to work with here guys. Are you incapable of telling me a bit more about yourself or asking me how my day is?

Age Limits – They’re set for a reason guys. I haven’t put an age limit of 28-38 for no reason. Although you’re 25 dog photos on your profile are lovely (John, 58, divorced with 3 children) I must decline your offer of a drink because I am not looking to be a widow at the ripe age of 40. I know some of you will think “oh but age is nothing but a number”, well it’s more than a number when you aren’t able to kick a ball around in the back yard with your son because you just had your 3^rd hip replacement operation, John!

Multiple messages – especially days apart, almost begging for a response. Listen Derek, I got your message on the 27^th July, 1^st August, 3^rd August, 10^th August and again today. I must say that I admire your persistence but you’re starting to come off a little desperate and it’s irritating me.

My favourite opening line – “If you were a Transformer you’d be Optimus Fiiiine”, thank you for that one DearDiaryJackpot, your line was cheesy but I messaged you back due to your pure effort of coming up with that cracker!

Selfies – best to leave that to the girls. Anthony (39, lives in Chelsea) your 8 selfies of you doing the kissy face makes me think that you ticked the wrong “looking for” box when you set up your account.

“Looking for in a girl” – Remember guys, these are advertised on your profile and girls can see what you are “looking for”. One guy’s profile said he was looking for a Scandinavian, Russian or Finnish girl between the ages of 22-24 with green eyes… Best of luck with that one Brian, you’ll be on a dating site for a while with specifications like that. Remember you’re looking for a woman, not a car.



Edit - what's funny is I started writing this blog almost exactly a year ago and I have re-read it for the first time today and my times have changed... in fact I haven't really dated at all, deleted all signs of dating apps and men altogether. I have never felt so confident in myself and so happy with where I am in my life. 
I bought a flat at the end of November last year and moved in 30th May this year and it has completely taken up my time (in a good way!). I feel like I don't need a man to define me, to help me financially or to keep up with the Jones's. 
Women in their 20's come up with these faux deadlines of when they need to move in with a partner, get engaged, get married, have children, have more children... but then what. I used to say I will be married with children by the time I'm 27, which I laugh at now. I'm 28 with no man in sight. Why do we rush all these things in life and not focus on what we have right now and appreciate the freedom? I much prefer doing what I want, when I want, with who I want. Does no one else get excited by the thought that we have no idea what the future holds, and whose hand we will hold? He could be an older man with a lot of money, or maybe a waiter you met on a girls trip in Italy... you are the creator of your own destiny. 
I witness my friends on an almost daily basis driving themselves crazy because "another friend just announced their engagement". Well guess what... almost 80% of the time people settle. They settle because they feel like they should be doing what everyone else is and when they are doing it or because they have been dating since they were 15. Not this girl! I spent the last 8 years since moving to London trying to figure out who I am and relentlessly working on myself... not to waste it on the next guy I swipe right on whose profile is just like every Tom, Dick & Harry "6'2, easily found in a bar and has jokes"... original!
I am determined to find my prince charming and I'm in no rush to get there. Quit looking for the needle in the haystack ladies... instead be the one who accidentally stumbles upon the hay-bale and it sticks her in the butt by surprise :) 

100 Days of Happy (is this really happening?)

100 days of Happy. I have recently embarked on "100 days of Happy", where they challenge you to be happy for 100 days straight, create a hashtag (mine being #Jolly100) and post photos with a description of what made you most happy that day. 

Living in the high paced environment that is London it becomes extremely difficult to not get angry over silly things. Here is a list of my biggest pet peeves:

• Someone walking at a snails pace on the side walk in front of you; or 4 people walking together leaving no room for you to pass so you can catch your tube which only comes every 60 seconds
• Waiting to board a smelly train after it was delayed for (only) 6 mins
• Trying to fit in going to the gym after working over 8 hours at a job you know isn't really for you
• Wasting time on dead end dates, when all you want to do is be married to please your mother
• Paying the most ridiculous rent for a shoe box sized room 
• Leaving the house in summer with beautifully styled hair and a fresh face of make up to get on the tube and turn up to work looking like you just stepped out the shower with panda eyes
• Living with 2 housemates who have absolutely no clue about life and bitch and moan about the most mundane things (i.e. "why is the wifi not working" and sending dozens of texts back and forth in our group chat, for me to just go out and un-plug it and plug it back in for it to work again. I mean who would ever think to do such a thing?)
• Having other people at work who take the absolute piss but get ahead of you in the end

The list will honestly never end and I'm sure you all feel the same or can relate to at least 3 of the above. But alas! I refuse to be brought down by the hectic lifestyles we lead. I am determined to find something good in every day and make every day the best.

Day 1: I was sitting in the middle of the tube carriage (aka not in a priority seat) and gave my seat up to a heavily pregnant woman. I tackled through at least 3 sweaty arm pits to exchange my seat for a cramped standing position against an old mans freakishly long beard, and spent the rest of my journey scowling at the overweight lady sitting in the priority seat... but I felt good about the good deed. It can't be nice being heavily pregnant on a "sauna" tube with swollen feet! 

Tonight, after a dull 8 hours of reading through boring building contracts and answering ridiculous questions from people who get paid far to much for what they really do, I am meeting up with 3 of my closest girlfriends for dinner on the South Bank (photo proof of me having a fab time is still to come).

I think everyone should embark on 100 days of happy.... I mean it can't do any harm!

Anxiety.... where do I begin. I have been anxious my entire life but have always tried to sweep it under the rug and convince myself that I was just overreacting. I find myself getting anxious over a train waiting on the tracks between platforms for 30 seconds, before work meetings where I don't even have to say anything, getting to the airport on time, finding a husband, affording a house, wondering if I will have children... the list is endless, and it's taking over my life. 

The worst anxiety attack I ever had was before my driving test (of all things). I blacked out and smashed my back against my bedroom door, with the door knob cracking me in the back, and then I couldn't stop vomiting. One thing that works me up even more is the fact that I feel like no one else would react like this so why am I???

Physical symptoms of anxiety are:

• a pounding heartbeat
• breathing faster
• palpitations (an irregular heartbeat)
• feeling sick
• chest pains
• headaches
• sweating
• loss of appetite
• feeling faint
• needing the toilet more frequently
• "butterflies" in your tummy

So you can imagine it makes you feel uneasy the majority of the time. I used to get severely anxious over past cheating boyfriends and wouldn't be able to eat, to the point where with one of my exes I lost 35lbs... and for someone of my height 5'8", looked and felt like a lot. My heart also beats irregularly which I find quite scary and it's hard to get under control. 

You read those articles that tell you to "breathe, do a yoga pose and try not to overthink", those people have clearly never had the overpowering sense of anxiety I have. 

It has gotten to the point where it is affecting my overall happiness so will visit my GP in the coming weeks and will report back on whether they have a better resolution for people rather than "breathing".

Alcohol and Weight Loss

I don't know about you guys but I LOVE a couple glasses of wine at home after a long hard day at work. During a diet you don't really think about the calories you drink. I know that you should have full fat coke etc but I never think about alcohol (probably because I love it too much). But if I added up how many calories I am adding to my diet from wine alone, it's shocking. It feels like the time I spend at the gym is wasted because the calories I burn off is probably just the alcohol so my weight loss will be at a standstill. 

I did some research and I found out the below information:
1 can of Beer = 150 calories, 13g Carbohydrates, 14mg Sodium
5 fl oz Wine = 100 calories, 4g Carbohydrates, 7mg Sodium
1.5 fl oz Vodka = 97 calories, 0g Carbohydrates, 0mg Sodium

Clearly beer is the worst in terms of carbs etc, and it has been proven to give women a gut and make us bloat, so I have decided to stay fully clear of beer for a while! I will never say I am completely giving up alcohol because I love it too much on the weekends, but won't be drinking during the week.

The below chart is also quite useful when comparing calories & alcohol!

£1 Nivea Cream better than Crème de la Mer?!

... the answer is yes! 
I have been an avid user of Nivea Creme since I was maybe 16 and have never looked back. I know of several celebrities such as Kate Winslet (37) and Joan Collins (80) who use Nivea Creme and their skin is beautiful... even at 80. Check out the "difference" below!

I never saw the point in spending hundreds of pounds on moisturizers that were overrated when I know the £1 something pot works wonders. It's too thick to wear during the day so I put it on before bed so it has a good 8 hours to be absorbed and I wake up with very soft skin that's not oily. 
During the day before putting my make-up on I use a light weight moisturizer from Johnson's called "Johnson's face care - daily essentials, hydrating, 24 hours day cream with SPF 15". 
I believe it is highly beneficial to use a moisturizer which has an SPF also so your skin isn't damaged by the suns rays, which yes, can still happen in the winter! This is also hydrating and doesn't allow your make-up to dry out your skin, which is a bonus especially when its very dry and windy outside. 
You can find it at Boots retailing for about £4.07  http://www.boots.com/en/Johnsons-Daily-Essentials-24hour-Day-Cream-with-SPF-15-for-Normal-Skin-50ml-_1110461/

You can also find the Nivea Cream at Boots retailing for £1.49 for a small pot or £2.39 for the larger one  http://www.boots.com/en/Nivea-Creme-50ml_6105/




Hope you find this information useful as we all know how hard it is to find the right moisturizer, but everyone's skin is different!

Cellulite Shmellulite

Why God.... WHY do we get cellulite?!?!?! I think I would feel so much more confident about the skin I am in if I didn't have cellulite. There are so many products out there that claim to "banish cellulite" and they always get me excited but I need to come back down to earth and realize NOTHING banishes cellulite. It's just one of those things that will stay with you for the rest of your life. But don't get me wrong, there are lots of ways to reduce the appearance of cellulite such as working out, fake tan, coffee scrubs etc.

I bought a skin brush about a year ago, and to be honest it has been in the back on my bathroom cabinet for about that long too, but I will be cracking it back out. I used it a few times and it definitely did make me feel like I was tightening the skin up and making it softer at the same time, so I would definitely recommend this!

What I have been dying to try is the sugar coffee scrub. I found this mix on Pinterest, and along with everything else, I have pinned it to a board and never tried it. 

All you need is the below:

1 cup Sugar

1/8 cup Coffee grounds

1/4 cup Almond Oil

2 tsp. Vanilla Extract

While in the shower use on your already washed areas, massage into your skin in a circular motion and allow to sit there out of the water to let it soak in. After 10 minutes simply rinse the mixture off, pat dry and use your favourite moisturizer.

Here is how it works, the coffee grounds will stimulate a surface blood flow to the affected area, this will enable the fatty deposits to circulate and over time diminish. The sugar acts as an exfoliator and aids in the blood flow stimulation during the scrub.

Hope you all found this helpful and happy cellulite diminishing!

Be Stronger Than Your Excuses!

Obviously want to keep you all up to date on my health and fitness progress and I am happy to announce I worked out 4 times this week and ate very healthily (minus one dinner out for a friends birthday... and a brownie I just had for lunch!) You have to reward yourselves sometimes in order to keep your diet sustainable otherwise when you go back to regular food you'll just instantly pile on the pounds!

My usual gym routine is fast paced walking on the treadmill on a high incline (makes your butt really feel the burn) for 40 mins, which for me is about 400 calories. I then go on the cross trainer for another 20-25 mins, which is another 200 calories. I am also getting to terms with the fact that if I want to raise my metabolism and burn more calories I need to use the weights too. My favorite is the thigh adductor machine which really works your inner/outer thighs, which I desperately need help with because "hello cellulite central!"
My next challenge will be working out my arms. I am always jealous of those women who have incredible arms (not saying I want muscle mania arms, but Michelle Obama's will do!)

I found the below to be quite helpful/interesting and in order to find the full work out plans here's the link > http://www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/best-workout-for-your-body-type