Hi everyone, I’m really sorry but I’m totally
about to give a speech!! I never get the chance to so I thought today would be
fitting.
Yesterday marked 3 decades of my life. I turned
30 and am celebrating this game changing milestone with some of my closest friends
and family, so thank you for being here (even if it was for the free prosecco and
my impressive donut wall). Louise, thank you for flying home early from a
wedding in Ibiza for this, and to anyone who has had to make a real effort to
be here, it means a lot!
Why don’t I start with some pretty major things that
happened the year I was born? In 1989 The Berlin Wall came down, the price of a
pint was 96p, we apparently narrowly missed being hit by 2 giant asteroids, the
average house price was £57,000, the World Wide Web was created, The Simpsons
aired for the first time and above all else, Andrew and Glenda Radcliffe had me…
you’re welcome!
When I was 20 I had ideas on what might have
happened leading into my 30’s, but facing unemployment and fighting for my
boyfriend to come home from Africa wasn’t on the agenda, so I jumped onto
Google and looked into “what happens when you turn 30?”. According to science,
we just get better. Our brains sharpen, we actually start to own our
personality (rather than many), are less insecure, stress less (although I find
that one highly debatable), and most of all you finally feel free to be
yourself. I have an awesome range of friends in here (special shout out to the
Plastics and the Mean Girls, you know who you are!) who all accept me for who I
am (unless there’s something you guys aren’t telling me, in which case this
just got really awkward).
It truly is a wonder how I got this far in life.
You’re looking at the girl who thought a Didgeridoo was a bird, zebras were
horses with their pj’s on, Zimbabwe was in South Africa (apologies to a lot of
the room on that one, although thanks to Sophie, I wasn’t the only one who
thought that), I thought the lyrics to a Fugees song were “painting his thumb
with his finger”, amongst many other lyrics I have gotten tragically wrong. I
thought the phrase nip it in the bud was “nip it in the butt”. I cry at the
drop of a pin, but mostly when I see old people on their own (just thinking
about it now is making me well up). But if there’s one thing I do get right,
it’s getting to the airport around 4 hours before a flight so I can allow for
any delays and sensibly pregame. It’s the Radcliffe way to be hours early than
5 minutes late: isn’t that right Glenda?
Mom and dad you have been my biggest fans and
supporters no matter how much of a pain in the ass I have been. Dad I know
you’re currently thinking back to how many times I made your insurance premium
go up on your car, and again… I am sorry… those other cars came outta nowhere,
all 5 times!! After all you had my back when my history teacher called to
complain about me failing; because you knew how tough moving had been (that guy
was such an asshole anyway)! Or mom maybe that time you were called about me
trying to skip school to get my first tattoo (such fond memories), but never
forget when I punched that guy in the face who stole your purse from Pizza
Express… after all no one messes with my mama. I think I have spent the
majority of my life giving you both a lot of grief for making me move schools
so many times, and firstly in front of everyone here, I wanted to say sorry and
above all else, thank you because I stand here surrounded by people I otherwise
wouldn’t have met. Without a doubt I wouldn’t be the person I am today without
you both and I appreciate every single word of encouragement, hug and tear
wiped away over my 30 years. I honestly don’t think I give you both enough
credit for how much you do for me and I am eternally grateful.
My sister Amanda; whose birthday is today if I
haven’t already mentioned and apologies again for hijacking your day; It’s
actually a running joke that me and my sister were born basically exactly 2
years apart… my dad’s birthday is 9 months before… now we know what moms gift
is to you every year. Amanda, even though we are like chalk and cheese I
consider you the best friend I ever had. It’s hard to believe we used to absolutely
hate each other when we were younger. I used to try beating you up or you used
to monitor the mileage on the car to prove to mom I had been lying about where
I had been the night before; or how about that time you made mom drive around
the block to catch me trying to skip my SAT prep class. God, I always loved you
coming to visit us out there. No matter what, you have always been there for me
and I am always appreciative of every little thing you do. You’ll never
understand how much a simple hug or you saying “I’m here for you” means to me.
Thank you for always having my back, as I will always have yours as we continue
to grow up together closer than ever!
I have to give a shout out to Bryn, I honestly
don’t know how you put up with me, but I think I’ve put up with more, so I win!
You know, there’s not many people who can wake up next to a girl whose hair
magically transforms into that of Donald Trumps and still calls her beautiful.
I can never explain how blessed I am that you came into my life when you did,
even after your little “deportation” issue, which I’m still trying to laugh
about now; I have never felt so excited to pick someone up from the airport
before. I’m also pretty sure my parents are relieved I finally convinced
someone to date me, and someone who can fix things around the flat at that,
what a bonus. Thank you for whacking the bugs out the way and putting up with
my “hangry” attitude! Here’s to many more years arguing about what to have for
dinner.
To wrap up, life has really taken me places and
after 3 countries lived, 11 homes, 9 sets of flatmates, 9 jobs (soon to be 10,
shout out to Fay and Lindsay), 2 redundancies, 1 flat purchased, about 1,253 meltdowns,
and countless bottles of cheap pinot grigio it’s been compassion, free spirit
and courage that has gotten me this far in life but I couldn’t do it without a
fair few of you in this room, so please raise your glasses and toast to
yourselves and me finally turning 30… cheers!
