Caitlin Moran, How To Be Famous (page 8)

You don’t live in London. You play London – to win. That’s why we’re all here. It is a city full of contestants, each chasing one of a million possible prizes: wealth, love, fame. Inspiration.

I have the pages of the A-Z stuck on my wall – so I can stare at the entirety of London, trying to learn every mews, alley and byway. And when you take four paces back from the wall – so you’re pressed up against your chest of drawers, staring at it – what those network of streets most closely resembles is a computer circuit board. The people are the electricity jumping through it – where we meet, and collide, is where ideas are hatched, problems solved, things created. Where things explode. Me, and the sad man from Blur, and six million others – we’re trying to rewire things. We’re trying, in whatever tiny way we can, to make new connections between things. That is the job of a capital city: to invent possible futures, and then offer them up to the rest of the world. ‘We could be like this? Or this? We could say these words, or wear these clothes – we could have people like this, if we wanted?’

We are Henceforth-mongers, tying to make our Henceforth the most enticing. Because the secret of everyone who comes to London – who comes to any big city – is that they came here because they did not feel normal, back at home. The only way they will ever feel normal is if they hijack popular culture with their weirdness, inject themselves into the circuitry, and – using the euphoric stimulants of music, and pictures, and words, and fashion – make the rest of the world suddenly wish to become as weird as them. To find a way to be a better rock star, or writer. To make the rest of the world want to paint their walls electric blue, too… because a beautiful song told them to. I want to make things happen.

From then to now...

My name is Emily Jayne Radcliffe and I am 30…. 30!!! Looking back on all my formative years and I always imagined something different, as I'm sure we all do. When I was a teenager I used to always say I’d be married with 2 kids by the time I’m 27, which now seems so far fetched. We often spend so much of our lives planning and assuming instead of just living in the moment and going with the flow; constantly comparing our lives to our friends and people we see on TV. When the reality is that we all have separate paths we’re supposed to take. It’s sometimes an exciting roller-coaster or perhaps a straight path with a couple unexpected speed bumps, but we all make it our own. You are the maker of your destiny.

On the contrary I am happy to say that I am a completely better person compared to over a decade ago. I have significantly matured, I feel like I have a better sense of who I am and I am extremely responsible.

It’s crazy that I considered 17-20 the best years of my life. I was prioritising my crushes over school work, hanging out with college kids who didn’t have a care in the world (or a curfew for that matter). Driving over 100mph to frat parties on a Friday night. I once drove whilst shrooming and I no joke could have killed someone. I would go to the mall with empty shopping bags which I would gradually fill with stolen merchandise. I drove around soon to be convicts with 5lb of weed in the trunk thinking it was fine because I had diplomatic plates. I regularly used to drink heavily and drive home thinking I was fine. I lost a friend in a car accident because the girl driving was on a whole mixture of drugs, she crashed into a tree and he went through the windshield from the back seat; it turned into a big murder trial on the news. I had several one night stands with guys I barely knew because I thought that’s all they really wanted from me anyway, and weirdly thought it would make me more desirable, instead it just made me feel used. I got pregnant at the ripe age of 19 with someone who was sleeping with every girl between the ages of 15-25 in Fairfax County; my mother didn’t discuss much with me when I showed her the pregnancy test except that she would book an appointment at Planned Parenthood to get rid of it. I had a total of about 6 car accidents because of my pure stupidity which ended up costing my parents tons of money on insurance premiums. I had sex with someone as payment for fixing a wall that a “friend” smashed through during a party at my parents friends house I was looking after. I got cyber bullied terribly after getting in with the wrong crowd. The night I moved from NOVA to London the guy who knocked me up and stopped acknowledging me stuck a loaded gun in my face when I showed up to his house because his actual girlfriend inside (a year later I keyed his car pretty badly and another year on from that we got engaged, applied for a fiancé visa, which then ended terribly!).

Crazy right? I thought so… happy to say that I don’t do any of the above anymore and I work hard at my job, personal life and home. I am surrounded by great friends and family who are incredibly supportive.

Testing out "The Ordinary Hyaluranic Acid 2% + B5"

So I turned 30 and am now massively conscious about trying to keep my skin plump, youthful and hydrated. There's been a huge buzz about the benefits of "Hyaluranic acid" and how it's a powerful skincare ingredient that can help retain moisture. It's a humectant (preserve) that attracts water, hydrating the skin without making it oily. For this reason, serums that contain hyaluronic acid are ideal for those with oily skin. It has the benefit of plumping up fine lines and keeping you hydrated. It's a moisture-binding ingredient that can hold up to 1000 times its weight in water. Essentially a magnet for moisture!!!

Enter.... The Ordinary Hyaluranic Acid. I purchased this larger sized bottle from The Beauty Bay for £10.60, which is an absolute bargain when you compare it to other similar products which come in a smaller bottle. You get way more bang for your buck here... https://www.beautybay.com/p/the-ordinary/supersize-hyaluronic-acid-b5/

I have fairly sensitive skin so was quite nervous to use something like this that has a warning straight away about irritation and stopping use and consulting a physician straight away. 
I used it last night for the first time before my anti-aging night cream (Nivea Q10) and again this morning before my moisturiser (Nivea Visage Daily Essentials for dry & sensitive skin) and I won't lie... my face feels plumper (in a good way) and very hydrated! I would definitely give this product a thumbs up, but I'm sure I will need to use it continuously for at least a month to see real results.

Stay tuned... 

30th Birthday Speech

For anyone struggling to come up with a birthday speech... it took me 6 loooong months to come up with the below! Take a look :)

Hi everyone, I’m really sorry but I’m totally about to give a speech!! I never get the chance to so I thought today would be fitting.

Yesterday marked 3 decades of my life. I turned 30 and am celebrating this game changing milestone with some of my closest friends and family, so thank you for being here (even if it was for the free prosecco and my impressive donut wall). Louise, thank you for flying home early from a wedding in Ibiza for this, and to anyone who has had to make a real effort to be here, it means a lot!

Why don’t I start with some pretty major things that happened the year I was born? In 1989 The Berlin Wall came down, the price of a pint was 96p, we apparently narrowly missed being hit by 2 giant asteroids, the average house price was £57,000, the World Wide Web was created, The Simpsons aired for the first time and above all else, Andrew and Glenda Radcliffe had me… you’re welcome!

When I was 20 I had ideas on what might have happened leading into my 30’s, but facing unemployment and fighting for my boyfriend to come home from Africa wasn’t on the agenda, so I jumped onto Google and looked into “what happens when you turn 30?”. According to science, we just get better. Our brains sharpen, we actually start to own our personality (rather than many), are less insecure, stress less (although I find that one highly debatable), and most of all you finally feel free to be yourself. I have an awesome range of friends in here (special shout out to the Plastics and the Mean Girls, you know who you are!) who all accept me for who I am (unless there’s something you guys aren’t telling me, in which case this just got really awkward).

It truly is a wonder how I got this far in life. You’re looking at the girl who thought a Didgeridoo was a bird, zebras were horses with their pj’s on, Zimbabwe was in South Africa (apologies to a lot of the room on that one, although thanks to Sophie, I wasn’t the only one who thought that), I thought the lyrics to a Fugees song were “painting his thumb with his finger”, amongst many other lyrics I have gotten tragically wrong. I thought the phrase nip it in the bud was “nip it in the butt”. I cry at the drop of a pin, but mostly when I see old people on their own (just thinking about it now is making me well up). But if there’s one thing I do get right, it’s getting to the airport around 4 hours before a flight so I can allow for any delays and sensibly pregame. It’s the Radcliffe way to be hours early than 5 minutes late: isn’t that right Glenda?

Mom and dad you have been my biggest fans and supporters no matter how much of a pain in the ass I have been. Dad I know you’re currently thinking back to how many times I made your insurance premium go up on your car, and again… I am sorry… those other cars came outta nowhere, all 5 times!! After all you had my back when my history teacher called to complain about me failing; because you knew how tough moving had been (that guy was such an asshole anyway)! Or mom maybe that time you were called about me trying to skip school to get my first tattoo (such fond memories), but never forget when I punched that guy in the face who stole your purse from Pizza Express… after all no one messes with my mama. I think I have spent the majority of my life giving you both a lot of grief for making me move schools so many times, and firstly in front of everyone here, I wanted to say sorry and above all else, thank you because I stand here surrounded by people I otherwise wouldn’t have met. Without a doubt I wouldn’t be the person I am today without you both and I appreciate every single word of encouragement, hug and tear wiped away over my 30 years. I honestly don’t think I give you both enough credit for how much you do for me and I am eternally grateful. 

My sister Amanda; whose birthday is today if I haven’t already mentioned and apologies again for hijacking your day; It’s actually a running joke that me and my sister were born basically exactly 2 years apart… my dad’s birthday is 9 months before… now we know what moms gift is to you every year. Amanda, even though we are like chalk and cheese I consider you the best friend I ever had. It’s hard to believe we used to absolutely hate each other when we were younger. I used to try beating you up or you used to monitor the mileage on the car to prove to mom I had been lying about where I had been the night before; or how about that time you made mom drive around the block to catch me trying to skip my SAT prep class. God, I always loved you coming to visit us out there. No matter what, you have always been there for me and I am always appreciative of every little thing you do. You’ll never understand how much a simple hug or you saying “I’m here for you” means to me. Thank you for always having my back, as I will always have yours as we continue to grow up together closer than ever!

I have to give a shout out to Bryn, I honestly don’t know how you put up with me, but I think I’ve put up with more, so I win! You know, there’s not many people who can wake up next to a girl whose hair magically transforms into that of Donald Trumps and still calls her beautiful. I can never explain how blessed I am that you came into my life when you did, even after your little “deportation” issue, which I’m still trying to laugh about now; I have never felt so excited to pick someone up from the airport before. I’m also pretty sure my parents are relieved I finally convinced someone to date me, and someone who can fix things around the flat at that, what a bonus. Thank you for whacking the bugs out the way and putting up with my “hangry” attitude! Here’s to many more years arguing about what to have for dinner.

To wrap up, life has really taken me places and after 3 countries lived, 11 homes, 9 sets of flatmates, 9 jobs (soon to be 10, shout out to Fay and Lindsay), 2 redundancies, 1 flat purchased, about 1,253 meltdowns, and countless bottles of cheap pinot grigio it’s been compassion, free spirit and courage that has gotten me this far in life but I couldn’t do it without a fair few of you in this room, so please raise your glasses and toast to yourselves and me finally turning 30… cheers!